Married and unemployed

Yeh wow its such a happy occasion I got married. Yipee I am going to join my husband in a far away land and we will rule the world. Its ok to leave my job and work a little on marriage and try to study or do something else. The honeymoon is over and I remember something i read "lucky is the bride who is married in sunshine (or something like this) and  blessed is the bride with a little money of her own".. In the love and apparent hurry by family, friends and yourself we forget the real self and are lost. By the time I realised where I was it was too late couldn't get a job I wanted. Well so life taught me a lesson of patience. Still learning that lesson. now trying to start in something from the beginning. Its an emotional roller coaster. I get a job interview didn't get the job ohh dont forget the time when I am applying and I get no interview calls. I hate those emails and letters which are two paragraph long. the first saying how great I am but how much was the competition and second para saying "sorry" and "wish you the best for your future endevours" yes i got so many emails and letters that I learned the entire format. Wondering why the companies dont change the format. I guess its one of the mysteries of life like what came first the egg or the chicken. Not to mention sometimes I got emails about jobs that I had forgotten I had even applied for. The great multinational companies take months if not years to respond to an application. The same two paras and the same heart break. Then I swallow my pride and ego and apply for any and all jobs I can think of. I move forward and lucky I get a job and now how am I supposed  to get all the documents in a day. Give me a break where is the fairness in this the companies takes weeks and with all their resources and I get only a day. Anyway I manage some how and guess what since I am a "temporary agency worker" (a new term I learned here) I am thrown out of the job on Friday morning and the reason is that the business plan of the company failed.I am mortified as this is the first time I have been fired and I am speechless and in big shock. Am I supposed to work the day or leave and why is my throat so dry suddenly??? I have never been fired and my only saving grace is that I can hide in between so many other people who have been fired along with me. I dont remember how I reach home but I do. Its a miracle. I share my plight with family. Some are supportive and understanding but others are unhappy with my "lack of effort". right like I want to get "fired". Man if you have never been fired I hope you never do but I also must tell you that the feeling sucks and more than anything else I have ever faced before. In shock and now further humiliated and hurt that I "lack effort" I really want to jump of the balcony. But I figure that I will get hurt a lot more and I hate to get hurt. So I do the next best cry for hours alone and then sleep. This heals and I get up and apply to all jobs I can and my fighting spirit is renewed. Its life and I need to move on. Ohh did I say happy weekend. (Ohh dont worry I have removed the person from my must call family member list. Ya I do have such a list) So again I have to go through applications, interviews and god willing and company's being kind will get a job.

the reason I wrote this is not to make you sad or get anti marriage or any negative thing like that. I hope that it might help any person who wants to get married and is leaving his/her career to consider again (despite what family and friends say.) Love is great but if you are not satisfied and happy you cannot share it so get a job first and then shift/move/ leave your job. Believe me life would be a little more happy and content. On that precious lesson that life taught me and I shared with you I take my leave for now. Live life king size and remember you came alone in this world will suffer alone and leave alone. rest is history

Born Alone

A long long time ago I saw the world and I thought what nice colours and how interesting the people are around. I decided to explore this new place called world in front of my eyes. Soon I realised the "rules" and "hindrances". There are so many walls; so many divisions, I wonder why and for whom. I did not get anything to the place but it is kind and gives me all and more than I want. I am greedy now. I am human and what a tragedy. A free bird trapped in "humanity" . Live life on my terms as my gift is precious, but people around me felt betrayed. No I did not make any promises. Charged and declared guilty for a free heart. Unable to comprehend I "compromised" . Will live by your rules and regulations but now I have a heart filled with unknown fear. My bag pack is packed but in storage. Bound by silence and fears of others. My gift may get wasted. Should I act for the smiles and your happiness and be contend? Should I spread my wings and fly to the unknown. My heart pounds and tells me you never know what is behind the clouds, the hills, who will smile with you, what if you fall??? There are no smiles here, I might loose direction but a spark says go ahead, Something tells me to move and take a step forward and I might break hearts, hopes but its my gift and I have to enjoy it. You may or not be there tomorrow. Should I follow the spark and burn or remain contend. The spark flames and says move but fear holds my feet. Born alone , live contend and then die alone. So why was I born alone. Here I am born alone. Please don't be-cone me oh mountains or rivers oh fresh air for though I am born alone smiles depend on "humanity". Let me value the smiles till I can and then oh wind carry me away as I was born alone and want live unbound.  

Marriage

A big event. A decision when taken seemed big but a commitment which is bigger. So I got married. The first thing one realises is that both partner's entire life changes. You do things that you would not have done earlier. Contact with friends lessens. Oh not to forget family commitments... For a person like me I felt my wings were chopped. ohh dont worry so much only initially I felt that.. LUCKILY my partner gives me a lot of space to fly... but sure loads of changes. from a night person to a day person (OKIE honestly i try) .. from no cooking or kitchen to cooking (thank you internet baba).. from work to no work (this hurts)... from being a chatter box now wondering what to talk to friends about (change in circumstances/country/ people nothing adverse).. and life moves on.... 


I thought about how to describe the changes but realised now that it is not possible as ones whole life changes... so either one has to experience it or see others suffer ;) .... Any ways I will keep this short as I am still adjusting to "married" life and cant be judgemental... Will post again when and as I understand more... Earlier I lived as I wanted now I live as we have to and want to (sometimes have to compromise).    

Silence

I am silent. It does not mean I don't have an opinion or that I am unaware of what is happening around me. I might not reply to comments or opinions. It is not because I agree with them. Don't misjudge my silence. I am aware and do know your acts and inactions and thoughts. I know how you want others including me to act and react and what you want. You ask why am I silent then. I am silent not for myself but for you. I am silent so that this peace, a very fragile peace is maintained. I am silent because I believe in the power of silence. 


So you don't agree or is it that you don't understand. I know how rigid your views are, I don't want to argue and waste my energy and moreover create negative energy. I respect that you have an opinion, it is just that I don't agree with yours. I have agreed to disagree BUT you still have to learn this lesson. Therefore I am silent. I watch what you do, how you act but be warned I am silent not dumb. I am not objecting to anything right now because you have not caused any harm. My silent strength tells me not to fight now but conserve my energy. I am praying that there does not come a day when this silence is required to be broken. That day I fear. Yes I fear that day cause I know the venom a tongue can spill. How words can kill the soul without inflicting a single blow. So let me be silent, let me dance to unheard tunes; for my silence is the reason for peace and harmony and many smiling faces. Great men say don't awaken the dragon as it will destroy and I say let there be silence else it will poison you, me and many more. Silence is the protective sleeping cloak and I shall stay in it. Be warned as I am not weak. Now silent I go once more.     

Life- changes and uncertainties

At this juncture of life, i realised that life yours and mine is full of uncertainties. Some we can avoid some are a part of the life and our growth process. I hate it but some times I am an oversensitive person and this is the phase of my life where I am highly oversensitive. The changes around me are happening very very fast. I don't have the time to even plan or think this waterfall of life is so fast that I am barely surviving on instinct. Though details of this change "HUGE CHANGE" cannot be shared on this forum, I am sure every one would have gone though such an experience. I don't know about you but I tend to go into my shell, become snappy also. This is a post to tell people that sometimes people's life is not going at the pace they want, it could be crawling or going at the speed of light; at that juncture of life we tend to hide, get angry or even snappy (I have yet to meet people to laugh all the way).It would in my view therefore be unfair to judge a person on this juncture alone. Now I don't know whether you or I am in that juncture therefore my Friends it takes a life time or at least few years to understand the true nature of people. I like observing people and I realise that all go through mainly the same phases. But the important part is how they deal with it and come out. Now I am trying to take it up as a challenge and despite all my "planning" I have realised I have to leave somethings to god or the "force".  Praying that these changes in my life are for good and even if god gives me lemons I am able to make lemonade.. Changes are essential for my growth as a person, so lets see how much I grow  by the time I write the next post. Till then tc and live happy.  

My midweek thought ...

Middle of the week and i release that we all spend too much time working. some day calculate how much time you spend working. Ideally one person should sleep 8 hrs in a day. This leaves us with 16hrs. We spend approx 4 hours getting ready, eating, lazing around etc. That leaves us with 12 hrs. If we work (ideal situation) say 8 hrs, there are only 4 hrs left. Now we leave 2 hrs as driving time (metro driving does take this much time) ONLY 2 HOURS ARE LEFT. To spend these two hours so as to extract maximum from life is a challenge. GOD only 2 hrs in 24 hours to myself, my family, my friends etc. THIS IS TRAGIC. so what do we do. Sleep a little less??? yes that would help but give you only 2 hours more. Are you satisfied with 4 hours???/ I AM NOT. the way out that i have found is to have fun at work. Yes work can be fun despite office politics, irritating colleagues, bad boss etc. The way is to reduce the time spent angry or in negative state of mind during the work.  enjoy the work. Yes work can be tedious but why waste energy on all the negatives?? get over with the work you dont like first and then work on what you like and spend time on it. 

A little serious is this post, hoping to convey a thought, this may help you, you may disagree with it , but this is my thought dont judge, this is my post.      

This is me

Before i write the lines let me tell you a story. Sitting in a conference thinking of song here come few lines which i shall bestow:

"Here i am,
this is me,
there is no other place I rather be.

here I am this is me,
there are many thing,
I have to be.

Here I am ,
this is me,
colours of life,
all over me.

here I am ,
this is me,
life is flowing
all around me.

Here I am,
this is me,
making my marks,
where ever i be.
Here I am,
this is me,
there is no other place,
I rather be"

Ya ya sounds like that song... then came few thoughts while sipping the tea
"
funny is life when you take one step back and look at the mess. the fights and arguments and all the mess ; seem nothing but a miscommunication and nonsense. Sitting amount he learned peers who are arguing over a simple matter I realise my mind drifts to the clouds out in sky...."

The meeting ended but nothing was resolved. That my friend is top management.

magic of words

Today i was driving and got stuck in a really bad traffic jam. waiting waiting for the traffic to move i wanted to write few words. yes people i understand that i cant drive and write especially in a jam. BUT yes BUT thanks to the "voice notes recorder" every thing is possible. I switched it on and went i said out my thoughts out loud. Hearing my voice singing my own thoughts was a weird experience. VVV weird but beggars cant be choosers... so there i went and said few word about first love which is wrong for all reasons but still it is love. (this is not the post about some other time will tell you). The traffic moved and so did i and happy me switched off the voice recorder. after playing office office for a while i met a person who i wanted to share the thoughts with.. the person heard my thoughts in one corner of the office and to my amazement and astonishment i realised that the person had tears in the eyes. BIG ones too.. so i quickly calmed the person and realised that my thoughts conveyed the person's dilemma (truly i did not do this intentionally). then like in the movies light falls on the hero/heroine and great mystery is revealed it dawned on me that my words could have an effect. i was elated. after some time i think i wanted to check my so called power and did the same with another person. This second person made a face saying "what is this???". There my balloon of happiness busted as again yes again the light en-lighted me to the fact that words alone are not magic it is a persons emotion and understanding that bring magic to words. what a lesson to learn when for years i believed in the magic of words.

Indian Election

Wow again its time for election in India, the biggest democracy. Though this would be the first time I will vote. Please before you speculate let me tell you the only reason I couldn't vote before this is because my dad you is in army was transferred regularly so no one place to get myself registered. Basically practical difficulties. After so many years I thought lets vote and got over with the formalities of registration etc. Now the question arises who to vote?????

I am definitely zapped........ I sought many opinions and every one had a different answer.. wellll every one at least agreed that there choice is based on past performance. Well grt but where can i check the past performances of parties?????? I searched the search engines, however there were more of propaganda of one person but no reasons to cross check it with...

Since I was lot alive for the many years since India got independence and politics frankly only started interesting me recently I started to check out the speeches and political agendas..... At least one thing I can surely say today is that I won't vote for BJP. I am still confused who to vote for but it is definitely not BJP. Yes I know BJP build roads, gave pension to military persons etc... But i can't bring myself to vote for a party which only promotes Hinduvtava. I am no muslim nor am i a hindu I AM AN INDIAN. therefore this basic ideology does not match. I don't want only one sect of people to flourish I want all to flourish and together. It may seem like an impossible dream but still I believe in it and it is the basis of my soul. I suddenly remember the lines " I am born free" and I think the ideology of bjp kills the soul of the lines. I hope they realise that when a child is born he/she does not know any religion or what is right or what is wrong. It is the society which determines all this for the innocent unsuspecting child. I wonder if the child knew all this would it still want to be born in this world?????

I have a few friends who are muslim and no I don't the religion because I asked I know because their lifestyle is different from mine as is my neighbours and probably the person reading this. Then why should I vote for a party who on these small differences insist on dividing the country.

OOPs I got diverted from the topic so how do i a first time voter decide who to vote for ????? read the election manifestos okkkkk will do tat but please tell me how many parties actually keep their promises after coming to power especially if it is a coalition??????// check the past record and from where????? well in this delima I unfortunately managed to speak to one of my friend who is pro BJP and anti congress.... I am not naming him but believe me when I say he believe in BJP passionately. Since we didn't want to fight we didn't discuss BJP but when it came to congress he did make some remarks which lead me to think where can I check the foreign policy, economic growth , per capita income of people etc during the time when any party was in power. Ya i don't blindly believe all that is told to me though I might not oppose it at that moment but still i research and then use the brains given by god to reach a conclusion same ideology goes for my friends. What I want to convey from this extra long article is just two things.1 plight of the first time voters 2. lack of knowledge or information provided to voters specially in this busy busy world.

OHHHh one more thing thank you BJP supporter friend it is only after speaking to you did I think I should pen down my thoughts. I still don't agree about BJP but thanks any ways.

Indian legislature

As you might know i am a lawyer and my job is to try to understand and interpret law. well i have failed to do the first in any case. and i can say confidently that all lawyers/advocates and brainy ppl who say that they have understood law ARE LIARS... no i am not kidding. I just came across an Indian legislature for overseas citizenship of India. For all those who want to know how to apply please stop reading this post here and proceed to the link "http://mha.nic.in/pdfs/OCIForm.pdf" . for every one else who wants to follow the Indian legislature joke please proceed. before moving ahead let me tell u that the aim of OCI is to let foreign national who have Indian lineage stay connected with India. ok now back to the legislature. It provides that any foreign national can apply and then follows the eligibilty. But in practicality a minor child (foreign national) of foreign national is eligible for an OCI but a minor child of an Indian citizen is NOT yes NOT eligible for OCI. so tats logic for u. please try and understand it. if u succeed u r LAWYER. don't believe me ok i will reproduce the content or else follow the ministry of home affairs link. oh yes before u go i experienced this tragedy and a piece of advise APPLY FOR PIO i.e person of indian origin if u dont satisy for OCI u r entitled to it.

Aarushi's case blunder

When the whole arushi case came to light there were sooooooooo many speculations and the one that i did not agree with was when they just blamed the father and then went to say that arushi a dead child had objectionable behavior. lots of hue and cry and the police officer was transferred that is it. Rajesh talwar was in jail for days and he lost his job and so did his wife both parents had to answer soooo many societal questions and raised eyebrows without grieving for their daughter. Now that cbi has said that RAjesh talwar is not involved will the media and police compensate the talwars for all the loss and damage? Oh ya they were just doing their duty and the media has a right to report etc. but have tehy all forgotten their duty??????. they are harping's about their rights and completely forgot about their duties,. In fact in this educated India i believe that state and media should pay the harassed and defamed talwars crores of ruppees as compensation. let us just go one more step forward and tel the world that in this day and era these type of tragedies do not occur in India. I an educated Indian am feeling so let down and disappointed by both teh media and government. shame on us as a nation.

mansher

On 29th may 2008 i was travelling for the first time to US. no that is not why i remember the date... my flight was at 2 am and we were just boarding the plane when my phone rang. yep my phone was on...... papa called and said u r a masi and baby and mother are fine. I just switched off the phone and wanted to burst out laughing. i managed to control but honestly i told all the passengers near me that i am a massi. dont laugh i was a massi for the first time. i wnent and met tehbaby and the first thing that hit me was that the baby is soooooo tiny . i for days waited that teh baby will wake up and play with us like they show in teh ads but frankly the ads lie. but after days of changing diapers and rocking the baby and growth spurts and new parents anxiety the baby started to nmake noises and noticing his mother and started to take his tough out every time he saw keerat. I was just so happy and furios I MEAN TEH BABY WAS A TV ADDICT. now that i have come back to india, i am told that he is growing fast. well just waiting for teh time he grows and says hey massi was that me in the photo ? mind you this is a grt experience. my observations in short
1. poor new mother
2.calm down new parents
3. Baby go to sleep for some more time
4. it is good to play with other persons babay hahahhahha

Harry Potter

Isn't it amazing that one book and one movie can make people crazy.......just say "Harry Potter" and everyone is interested ........did you see the latest movie....god i got the ebook I wish it is the original one............. OHhhhhhhhhh wen is the book due and all that.....welllllll I have learned at my own cost that no original book is circulating on net......... more so I have to only book the book now...........as for the movie I often wonder does it do justice to the book ........i believe no..... but the craze is still there so........ i assume it must have something which I a reader fail to appreciate...

Probably someone with a better mind could tell me about the craze and about the movie.. i for one am confused