Born Alone

A long long time ago I saw the world and I thought what nice colours and how interesting the people are around. I decided to explore this new place called world in front of my eyes. Soon I realised the "rules" and "hindrances". There are so many walls; so many divisions, I wonder why and for whom. I did not get anything to the place but it is kind and gives me all and more than I want. I am greedy now. I am human and what a tragedy. A free bird trapped in "humanity" . Live life on my terms as my gift is precious, but people around me felt betrayed. No I did not make any promises. Charged and declared guilty for a free heart. Unable to comprehend I "compromised" . Will live by your rules and regulations but now I have a heart filled with unknown fear. My bag pack is packed but in storage. Bound by silence and fears of others. My gift may get wasted. Should I act for the smiles and your happiness and be contend? Should I spread my wings and fly to the unknown. My heart pounds and tells me you never know what is behind the clouds, the hills, who will smile with you, what if you fall??? There are no smiles here, I might loose direction but a spark says go ahead, Something tells me to move and take a step forward and I might break hearts, hopes but its my gift and I have to enjoy it. You may or not be there tomorrow. Should I follow the spark and burn or remain contend. The spark flames and says move but fear holds my feet. Born alone , live contend and then die alone. So why was I born alone. Here I am born alone. Please don't be-cone me oh mountains or rivers oh fresh air for though I am born alone smiles depend on "humanity". Let me value the smiles till I can and then oh wind carry me away as I was born alone and want live unbound.  

Marriage

A big event. A decision when taken seemed big but a commitment which is bigger. So I got married. The first thing one realises is that both partner's entire life changes. You do things that you would not have done earlier. Contact with friends lessens. Oh not to forget family commitments... For a person like me I felt my wings were chopped. ohh dont worry so much only initially I felt that.. LUCKILY my partner gives me a lot of space to fly... but sure loads of changes. from a night person to a day person (OKIE honestly i try) .. from no cooking or kitchen to cooking (thank you internet baba).. from work to no work (this hurts)... from being a chatter box now wondering what to talk to friends about (change in circumstances/country/ people nothing adverse).. and life moves on.... 


I thought about how to describe the changes but realised now that it is not possible as ones whole life changes... so either one has to experience it or see others suffer ;) .... Any ways I will keep this short as I am still adjusting to "married" life and cant be judgemental... Will post again when and as I understand more... Earlier I lived as I wanted now I live as we have to and want to (sometimes have to compromise).    

Silence

I am silent. It does not mean I don't have an opinion or that I am unaware of what is happening around me. I might not reply to comments or opinions. It is not because I agree with them. Don't misjudge my silence. I am aware and do know your acts and inactions and thoughts. I know how you want others including me to act and react and what you want. You ask why am I silent then. I am silent not for myself but for you. I am silent so that this peace, a very fragile peace is maintained. I am silent because I believe in the power of silence. 


So you don't agree or is it that you don't understand. I know how rigid your views are, I don't want to argue and waste my energy and moreover create negative energy. I respect that you have an opinion, it is just that I don't agree with yours. I have agreed to disagree BUT you still have to learn this lesson. Therefore I am silent. I watch what you do, how you act but be warned I am silent not dumb. I am not objecting to anything right now because you have not caused any harm. My silent strength tells me not to fight now but conserve my energy. I am praying that there does not come a day when this silence is required to be broken. That day I fear. Yes I fear that day cause I know the venom a tongue can spill. How words can kill the soul without inflicting a single blow. So let me be silent, let me dance to unheard tunes; for my silence is the reason for peace and harmony and many smiling faces. Great men say don't awaken the dragon as it will destroy and I say let there be silence else it will poison you, me and many more. Silence is the protective sleeping cloak and I shall stay in it. Be warned as I am not weak. Now silent I go once more.